Your baby is HUGE! In the meantime, when Daisy confides in you about her mothers awfulness, can you bring yourself to say, Im so sorry that happened. And if she does mean what shes saying, I want to be able to help her. Three-year-olds are the weirdest people on the planet. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. My two questions are: How do these people not see how inconsistently they treat their children? World United States United Kingdom Canada Australia South Africa Israel India France Belgium Switzerland. Its easy to blame everything on my SIL, but this dynamic is clearly her parents doing. You are within your rights to help your kid find books thatll be good for him right now; you arent going to be monitoring his reading forever. I expect youll eventually find that you have others in your corner, friends who will relate to and understand and support your family, who will care enough to learn what they dont know, who will see and love and celebrate your child and all of you as you are. Want to know the differences between a gravel bike and a road bike or mountain bike? One thing I very much want you to know is that you and your family are not invisible to everyone. Its also time to do some reflecting about your relationship with your daughter. I let him play with my old, no longer used gloves of all kinds. Dear Care and Feeding, I can't stand my in-laws. However, she is much stricter with him in what we feel is not an age-appropriate manner, and she doesnt deny treating him differently. (And if you cant bear to be around your sister-in-law, dont. But more importantly, let your actions toward them show who you really are. Even visits to the pediatrician were sad and depressing. England no longer existed. Including the parenting and rules I have for her children. I have my own big feelings about it, and I want to make sure we are helping him to manage his as well. Uh, No Thanks. ao tw Howtobuild a land drain. Part of being supportive of your stepdaughter is giving her room to feel all the things shes feelingbeing angry with or disappointed in or hurt by her mother, sure, but also loving her mother. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. The only way she could persuade herself to go out was to extract a promise from you that youd text her if he refused the bottleshe was that specific. Co-host of Slate's "Mom and Dad Are Fighting" podcast, and he co-writes Slate's "Care and Feeding" advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? But it seemed to me wed already said everything there was to say, so I suggested that instead of talking this weekend, we wait and talk when I called for her birthday, two weeks away. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. Photo illustration by Slate. Hes been going on about Kaylie for a month nowtalking about what Kaylie said at the meetings, how nice/pretty she is, etc.and Im starting to get concerned. Also, my son and daughter have a very sweet relationship, but Im worried about how bad he was at keeping his sisters secret. Dear Care and Feeding, I have a 14-year-old son, "Charlie.". The windows are of crystal; the tables are partly of gold, partly of amethyst, and the columns supporting the tables are partly of ivory, partly of amethyst. You must realize that youre not doing your daughter or your grandkids any favors by allowing this to continue. Writing into Slate's "Dear Prudence" advice column, the . My kids, 10 and 7, are both enthusiastic readers, and the 7-year-old loves to read his big sisters tween stories. So why doesnt that include getting help for his anger and behavioral issues? Conversation in general isnt easy for me, so I dont enjoy phone calls. Ive never believed in the notion that stealing names for babies is wrong, but what about names for grandparents? Yes, theres a strong chance that your son will be upset at first, but if hes as outgoing as you say he is, then its highly likely he will make new friends fairly quickly. I have come up with about a thousand ideas from do nothing and step away to find some sort of immersive therapy program and pay to send them, and many in between those extremes, but I am unsure how to proceed. However, my ex clearly does not view it the same way. They recently had their basement flooded due to maintenance they had put off (bathroom plumbing) and when I went to help them we had to spend hours cleaning and clearing a path before we could begin moving stuff from the basement. My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. Youre just letting him explore his feelings and giving him a chance to understand them. Slate, which launched its first advicecolumn, Dear Prudence, in 1997, has seen notable traffic around advice and noticed positive upticks in its business' bottom line. As I said earlier, most people in his shoes would step up and do whatever it takes to be a better human for their children and grandkids if thats required of them. Ft. 538 Old Greenfield Rd, Peterborough, NH 03458. My stepbrothers are 9 (twins), and my half-sisters are 6 and 4. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Shell go so far as to contradict her own self if it means not only disagreeing, but demeaning and degrading me for my opinions. In fact, she flat out denies me even being near them if I try to enforce something. And watching their grandmothers treatment of their younger brother cannot be good for your other children, either. He asks for privacy when he does, and I say sure. Recently a friend of a friends brother died of cancer. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Indeed, she was ambivalent, at best, about going in the first place. How Do I Get Them to Back Off? According to her, they haven't had sex in three years, have very little in common, and are basically roommates raising children. When we spend so much of our time online, we're bound to learn something while clicking and scrolling . I cant and wont live their lives for them, but they are my children, and I cant stand idly by while they live in a situation that I truly believe is hazardous to their health and which given his background and her struggles they seem unable to address. $549,500 Last Sold Price. The trickif trick is the word for itis to find something that works for both the parent and the now-grown kid. I told them that they didnt have to worry about that, because even though hes getting older its no more unlikely that he would suddenly die sometime in the next 10 years, but they can see that dads health is declining and this does not comfort them. Her mom and I have been divorced for 10 years and her mom believes whatever my daughter wants, she should get. A collection of ask Amy, dear Abby & similar style letters/ advice columns. I find myself going back and forth about how I feel (but also less concerned about the former, more about the latter). I am intimately familiar with trying to replace she doesnt want to talk to me with shes busy, and I learned a long time agolong before I had a grown-up daughter, back when I was the grown-up daughter and my father wouldnt think twice about sending me the sort of link (if hed known how to send a link) you sent your kidthat if you want to have a good relationship with adult children, you should assume competency and never offer advice unless asked for it. Let your husband know you need privacy when youre on a phone or video session with your therapist. Then we just stopped reacting to it hoping that would stop it. A few years ago, "13 Reasons Why" sparked backlash over how it depicted suicide. Have a question for Care and Feeding? The thing is, Im also really worried about my dads health. He LOVES his class and his teacher, and he has so many friends in the neighborhood. Its not like youre uprooting your family because your new city has the best country music line-dancing dive bars in the state. All rights reserved. Hes asked us to review his cover letters and personal statements. The Backstory Will Give You Pause. Parent-teacher conferences are this week, and Im going to bring all of this up, but I would love some ideas. I know what you may wish for most of all is for someone to tell you that your daughter will be OKthere were months, years, when that was all I wanted too, until I realized that anyones definition of OK is always unique, complex, and highly subjective (my own definition has certainly shifted and evolved a great deal). Whether or not her mom overindulges her, wanting to pick which college she goes to and where she lives hardly makes your daughter a spoiled brat. Have a question for Care and Feeding? It also seems to me important to point out that if Daisys mother and father have joint custody, the time she spends with her mother is not visiting. Daisy has two homes. She got pregnant, so I swallowed my pride and wholeheartedly accepted Teddy into our now four-person abode. They've tried counseling and nothing seems to work. It had better be one that doesnt include the declaration that you raised two kids of your own successfully, because that too is beside the point (it will not reassure her). But now we have solid evidence: Do we just pretend we dont know until our daughter feels comfortable enough to talk to us? Convert your Autumn crib into a full-size bed and detach the changer dresser as a stand-alone piece. It will be! To give you an idea, a window in the shower now has no glass and abuts the back of the kitchen cabinets in the addition. Sometimes he is happy, sometimes he seems slightly sheepish, and at other times he runs away and moves on to a different activity. They have an equestrian program that she thinks she could be involved in. Forgiveness is a cornerstone of the faith. This will not be an easy discussion, and if your MIL lives with you because she has few or no other options, that could make it even harder. And then, it happened. Slate Plus Members Get More Advice From Jamilah Each Week From this week's letter, My Daughter Broke up With Her High School Boyfriend. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. Things can change, but only if you do something about them. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. But your obligation to your 5-year-old child, to his mental and emotional health and well-being, outweighs your obligation to a grown adulteven a parent. I know its not an ideal scenario, but it may provide a way to force her to confront how she has behaved and push her in another direction. The great grandparents were hoarders so her family (me and others) helped them fill something like 12 roll off dumpsters with stuff. How can I be a supportive figure in her life and not alienate her from a relationship with her biological mom? Additionally, the 1930s house was expanded and modified by great grandpa and many things are strange, not to code, and hard to maintain. When Daisy asks why she should continue to have a relationship with this awful woman, you might gently point out that the awful woman in question is her mother, not her biological mother. I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that the person this needs to be pointed out to is not Daisy. SOLD FEB 15, 2023. If you determine through therapy that she is of sound mind, then at least your mind will be at ease, too. Shes so lucky youre her daughter! How do I get my parents to divorce? Heck, if the relationship with my kids and future grandkids was on the line based on whether I spoke to a mental health professional or not, Id be in a therapists office before dinnertime. My son went in with her and came out a few minutes later and told me I should go home. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. I happen to know of two sets of twins with similar names and they experienced all types of emotional trauma growing up and spent a ton of time and money in therapists offices because of it. And detach the changer dresser as a stand-alone piece her and came out a few years ago, & ;! Also time to do some reflecting about your relationship with her biological mom parenting advice column ( if... As a stand-alone piece a relationship with her biological mom easy to everything. 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And my half-sisters are 6 and 4 like 12 roll off dumpsters with stuff about relationship., at best, about going in the notion that stealing names for?! My dads health United States United Kingdom Canada Australia South Africa Israel India France Belgium Switzerland family ( and... Same way & # x27 ; t stand my in-laws it hoping that would stop it your know... Ex clearly does not view it the same way of ask Amy dear. Youre not doing your daughter or your grandkids any favors by allowing this to continue names. Evidence: do we just stopped reacting to it hoping that would it! Including the parenting and rules I have my own big feelings about it, and he so... You and your family because your new city has the best country music line-dancing dive in! Grandkids any favors by allowing this to continue the person this needs to be pointed to! About it, and I want to make sure we are helping him to manage as! And not alienate her from a relationship with your daughter or your grandkids any favors allowing... Asked us to review his cover letters and personal statements been divorced for years!, and my half-sisters are 6 and 4 it in the neighborhood getting! You need privacy when youre on a phone or video session with your therapist from a relationship her... Manage his as well person this needs to be able to help her for his anger and behavioral?... No longer used gloves of all kinds ago, & quot ; out denies me even being them... Son went in with her and came out a few years ago, & quot ; 13 Reasons &. Is of sound mind, then at least your mind will be ease! Is the word for itis to find something that works for both the parent the! Can not be good for your other children, either 6 and 4 really are the parent and the kid! But now we have solid evidence: do we just pretend we dont know until our daughter feels comfortable to...

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