But this would sometimes lead to Kitley making accusatory comments, starting arguments, or getting into fights with her husband. ], 3 Reasons Why Alcohol Could Be Affecting Your Relationship. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. It is painful to watch and even worse if you are in the drunken argument. Why Quitting Drinking Can Be So Hard, To Fight Alcohol Addiction, We Need More Than a Dry January. Is it time to let go? DEIDRE SAYS: When alcohol plays a role in a relationship, things go downhill fast. I can tell you from experience, you can't change him, he will have to want to get help. You may account it to aging, but if perhaps you should re-examine that stance: could it be your alcohol consumption? This happens, of course, and it might not mean you have a problem. He has been in AA for 2 years now. Excessively emotional? But this directness is the best way to maintain an honest and authentic way of relating that gets us what we want in life. It hasnt been an easy ride but weve overcame so much. Of course, you didnt see those signs; you were too busy communicating with your best friend at the bottom of a bottle. From the We want to hear your stories about Love & Sex. If your partner has been drinking and is trying to get a rise out of you or start an argument, dont fall for the trap. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. WebMy Boyfriends Drinking Is Ruining Our Relationship. His mom his a hardcore Catholic and very judgmental over anyone who isnt. Infidelity is one of the biggest grounds on which couples break up, the root cause of which may be alcohol addiction. Im just tired! There may be some truth to that, but you could instead pause to consider, I have been tired lately, but is more going on with me than that? It can foster real resentment between partners. Maybe you drink to make the intimacy more enjoyable. sex & relationships. My support pack Dealing With A Problem Drinker explains where he can get assistance and will help you to decide what to do for the best. So the study doesnt really take problem drinking into account, which can play a major role in a relationship. Along with the physical disadvantages, there is a host of negative mental effects of alcohol too. PostedAugust 8, 2016 The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. WebIf your partner is ever violent when they drink, this is completely unacceptable. What if your partner encourages you to return to drinking, even if you you know you want to quit? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. WebBad Advice Club: my boyfriend's mum has no boundaries. 5 Spiritual Practices That Increase Well-Being. We may distort them by idealizing or putting them on a pedestal. Hes an alcoholic and until he accepts that and takes steps to control it nothing will change and everything will get worse. I've read quite a few posts on this forum & have finally decided to post one myself. By definition, alcohol (even in small amounts) can alter a person's emotions, perception, I feel disregarded and like you arent interested in me, consider what parts of that resonate with you instead of wasting time on everything that doesnt. We like to go there. We dont want to go to that party. We like that kind of food. Many of us unintentionally lose track of where we leave off and our partner begins. Hell try to take steps for example not drinking for a month or 2 at a time and being very determined and proud of himself for doing so. Kitley realized that her drinking was preventing her from being the type of partner and parent she wanted to be. Whether its learning a language, climbing a mountain, or writing a book, you can see each other for who you really are and support each others unique goals and capabilities. Again, my boyfriend completely ignored him and drank beer while the son and I jumped and yelled and gave each other hi-fives over the game. He may sober up if he realises he will lose you. "When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change.". But always seems to go back to old ways. When this happens, it not only hurts our partner and his or her feelings for us, but it undermines our strength and feelings for our partner. Communication is key to a close relationship. There is no way to avoid conflict, but there is a smarter way to approach it. When we first fall in love, we tend to be open to new things. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Is there such thing as insanity among penguins? We all know that alcohol is quite harmful to the consumer physically. This may be difficult at first. Alcohol addiction is a serious disorder which causes the good health of your mind and body to go downhill. Hes projectile vomiting all over the place. This can be a You may not have alcohol use disorder, by definition, but you might still be a problem drinkerand this is, of course, a problem for you and your partner. You have no children. Most of us know from experience that we can drive each other crazy when our words and actions fail to match. Even if he accepts the fact he has a problem its never an easy road and its a life potentially marked by setbacks. You can't do anything about your husband and his drinking, but you can take care of you. And whats more? He only drinks too much at parties. This way, you can go an entire month being alcohol-free. Combine these medications with a serious history of alcohol addiction, and you have a perfect recipe for disaster. Unfortunately, deception and duplicity are common in relationships. However, it also means not creating a grandiose image of them. They may be drawn to assuming certain roles out of familiarity or as a way to feel secure, but this undermines their ability to relate as two equal individuals. Sometimes relationships must end for the sake of love; other times its incompatibility in personalities or habits. WebThe more free-flowing and spontaneous our expressions of love can be, the less likely you and a partner are to grow apart. Fill out the form below and one of our team members will reach out to help you get started. WebLet your breath open you up into the vulnerable space of love, and let it cocoon you until you can step out from that place. Habits like meditation, relaxation, and art therapies work wonder in improving your mental capacity, and alcohol robs you of these mental exercises. What if he didnt support her choice to be sober? It shrinks your brain size thereby toying with your concentration and memory retention capabilities. Its little surprise that lying or being dishonest about your drinking can drive a wedge between you and your partner. When alcohol is flowing freely, it can change our perception, turning a meaningless look or statement into a catastrophic insult. Tell them about your fears, your discovery of your fears, and how they can help you through it. https://www.healthline.com/health/alcohol/effects-on-body#1, https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/couples-thrive/201905/is-alcohol-impacting-your-relationship, https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcoholism-treatment/family-marital-problems, https://www.orlandorecovery.com/blog/alcoholism-and-relationships/#gref, https://www.ibtimes.com/lack-sex-leading-couples-divorce-2574131, Copyright 2023Stop Drinking Expert - Not A Replacement For Medical Advice, 3811 Ditmars Blvd #1074, Queens, NY 11105, United States, __CONFIG_colors_palette__{"active_palette":0,"config":{"colors":{"d1f3b":{"name":"Main Accent","parent":-1}},"gradients":[]},"palettes":[{"name":"Default","value":{"colors":{"d1f3b":{"val":"var(--tcb-skin-color-0)","hsl":{"h":2,"s":0.8436,"l":0.01,"a":1}}},"gradients":[]},"original":{"colors":{"d1f3b":{"val":"rgb(55, 179, 233)","hsl":{"h":198,"s":0.8,"l":0.56,"a":1}}},"gradients":[]}}]}__CONFIG_colors_palette__. What I don't get is why the change. He will criticize her, shift the blame onto her for any problems in the relationship, he will control her by threatening to leave, and often he will convince her that he has to drink to deal with her insanity. They replace real love with a fantasy of being in love, which they support by insisting on the conventional markers of a relationship. I said, bring him over here-we're cooking and he'll have a good time. According to Bee, addiction thrives in isolation.. You will find a lot of support here for yourself. | As per a survey carried out in 2008, Bedfordshire law firm declared that about 43% of married couples divorce on the grounds of lack of sexual intimacy. And any sort of addiction cannot be gotten rid of in a day. Weve been dating for about 2 years. Sometimes he goes out and drinks excessively. And sometimes that doesn't even work. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Our top priority is keeping patients and staff safe. Dont be afraid to address your concerns. After cutting back a little, the Sober Alley founder met someone who enjoyed drinking as much as she did. Alcohol addicts are often jobless since the consequences of their addiction are a strict no-no in the workplace. Attending a free webinar and listening to an experienced professional speaker is ten times more effective and feasible than being part of communities and workshops. Many couples may think that they have more fun when they have a few drinks. Seeking treatment for an alcohol or drug problem is the best way to begin to resolve issues. Don't waste another year on this guy. Studies show that problem drinking affects many of us. Backstory: I have a 5 year old son from a previous and very abusive relationship. "Many women are natural Our 15-year relationship, as a married couple, is stronger today than it has ever been, she says. With each new relationship we get our hopes up that this may finally be the one; unfortunately, that sets us up to be wrong more often than not. But it might be causing ongoing conflicts in your relationship. While booze might feel like a solution in the short term, it can quickly become a crutch. Let's say you've identified alcohol as a negative influence on you and your partner: It's fueled arguments, nit-picky behaviors, and otherwise unloving interactions, even if only slightly and occasionally. Many couples come to hold their partner responsible for their happiness, which leads to demands, complaints, and a sense of powerlessness. To see all content on The Sun, please use the Site Map. Click here to reserve your place on todays FREE quit drinking webinar. Combine a jobless situation with a free-flow of outgoing expenses on expensive alcohol, and you have a mismanaged and financially-broke individual. Break ups. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Alcohol can often wreak havoc on a relationship, especially when a couple disagrees on how much alcohol should or shouldnt be consumed. He was saying he didnt know how tonight was gonna work. The Sun website is regulated by the Independent Press Standards Organisation (IPSO), Our journalists strive for accuracy but on occasion we make mistakes. I can already see him puking all over my cute little goth bathroom. If you or your loved one is drinking often, then the most important thing is to address the alcohol problem. But the weird thing is he can go months without this happening. 2. When we get involved with someone new, it should expand our world, not shrink it. You can both encourage each other to engage in pursuits that really express who each of you are as individuals. Often, when one has a lover with an alcohol abuse problem, one tends to internalize blame, thinking their shortcomings are the cause of their loved ones addiction. We were going to get dinner before, and I was going to get to see this band with the love of my life. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. However, we all know that adding alcohol to any situation can end messy. He texts you and instantly your day is made! When he cancels plans or takes forever to respond, however, your mood takes a nosedive and you become impossible to be around. For this reason, couples need to be honest and open about the role that alcohol plays in their relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. DEAR DEIDRE: WHENEVER we go to family gatherings my boyfriend drinks too much and gets carried away. WebMy boyfriend's bad behaviour when he's drunk is ruining our relationship Last week he was sick in a taxi on the way home and I had to pay a fine because of the mess. As the alcohol consumption increases, we stop caring about the choices were about to makeor have already madewhich is often why we stay out later than we intend to, accept another shot (even if we dont want to), say something we dont mean, or pick a fight with our partner even if we arent sure why. These professionals hold renowned expertise with immense work experience to top it all. You should see your partner as a whole and separate person who matters to you, independent of your own needs and interests. Home Addiction Blog Relationships Drowning in Alcohol. Problem drinkers, as the study defines them, are individuals whose health, relationship, and/or life is negatively impacted by their drinking habits. When we aren't posting here, we build programs to help people quit drinking. Whats the number one reason people enjoy drinking alcohol? Whether we punish our partner by emotionally breaking down, giving them the silent treatment, or screaming at them, were telling them that we dont want to hear what they have to say. However, when we establish a fantasy bond, we tend to become increasingly closed off to real dialogue, or a kind and compassionate way of exchanging impressions and ideas. 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Maybe you drink to feel less angry. couples with a discrepant drinking pattern. Saying I want to be close to you, and then constantly criticizing your partner when he or she is around. Good! ", One week on and struggling with NC from XABF, Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1. Overstepping boundaries instead of showing respect for them. You have an entire life before you with meaningful relationships. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, If You Need to Pull an All-Nighter, This Should Be Your Diet, Mass Shootings Are a Symptom, Not the Root Problem. Kelley Kitley, a licensed clinical social worker and international womens mental health expert, was afraid that her relationship with her husband would struggle to work if she changed her drinking habits. He is out of control when he is drunk, becoming argumentative, aggressive and unpredictable. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. As the alcohol consumption increases, we stop caring about the choices were about to makeor have already madewhich is often why we stay out later than we intend to, accept another shot (even if we dont want to), say something we dont mean, or pick a fight with our partner even if we arent sure why. Relapes are common even after years and years. Staying with him gives him the message that his drinking is acceptable. We both graduated college recently and are both fortunate enough to have gotten some pretty exciting jobs. Maybe alcohol is one of the reasons you and your partner get along. And the ultimate: he will leave her and find a new girlfriend because he finds her "too controlling. Misunderstanding instead of understanding. My husband has been an alcoholic since he was nine years old, according to him. Double messages like these mess with another persons reality, which can be considered a basic human rights violation, not to mention a huge threat to lasting, loving relationships. In an ideal relationship, we see our partner realistically, both their strengths and their foibles, and accept them for who they are. This service is provided on News Group Newspapers' Limited's Standard Terms and Conditions in accordance with our Privacy & Cookie Policy. For the lack of inhibitions, right? Contact a local resource or call the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) at 1 (800) 662-HELP (4357). I'm at my wits end & I have noone to turn to or talk to. Induced erectile dysfunction is quite common in alcoholics. But if you aren't aware of how it can affect you, your partner, and your interactions, it definitely can bite. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Youll eventually see its good results building up with time. However, we can strive to be open and seek feedback from people we care about and trust, so that they feel comfortable talking to us about the more difficult subjects. If you cant imagine what that would look like, then alcohol may be a problem. What more can a person want? Although they had to endure a transition period of establishing new boundaries (since Kitley was navigating an alcohol use disorder and her husband was not), they learned to establish new routines including attending comedy shows, plays, or going to the movies. In fact, it becomes easier when you put yourself in the company of other people facing the same issue as you and working towards a common goal. The good news is that cutting back on your consumption offers far more benefits than the challenges it may present . I just dont know if theres any other solution. WebBad Advice Club: my boyfriend's mum has no boundaries. Listen, I am by no means And, as we all know, most married couples prefer staying in a monogamous relationship. My (27F) boyfriend (32M) and I have been together for 2 years. When we give another person this space, regard, and respect, we actually draw that person closer to us. Its definitely affecting my well being, I get anxiety the second he cracks his first beer now. These lies can eventually catch up to you. Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? In the end, you cant reason with an intoxicated person. WebHere are three key reasons why alcohol so often affects people in negative ways: It's a drug. He did. In addition to that, alcohol dependence also results in mental imbalances such as inability to concentrate and memorize, hallucinations, slurred speech, behavioral changes, and blackouts. We have been quite happy and love eachother a lotuntil I met his mother. Cardiovascular disorders. Thinking back, does that put things in perspective? At the very basis of a functioning, healthy relationship is the ability to communicate openly with your partner about any and everything. Here are three key reasons why alcohol so often affects people in negative ways: 5 Ways to Reduce the Effect of Alcohol on Your Relationship. And after me making sure I didnt mess up my makeup and cry. [For many], alcohol is the third partner in the romantic relationship, says Howard Forman MD, addiction psychiatrist at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. We may become more rigid and automatic in our responses. They would share a drink (or many more) to unwind. . It was the tequila, or the fifth beer, or the lack of food, or the friend who bought one-too-many pitchers that needed to be drank. This one might seem pretty obvious- I mean, you would notice if you were neglecting your lover, right? For some people, sex isnt an important factor in their romantic relationships- but for others, it is very important. My H & I had a long talk the other day about his drinking & that I wasn't going to tolerate it, & he agreed with me, but that's nothing new because he always agrees with me, then goes right back out & does it again. No one wants to lose the love and trust of someone they care about over Until this year, we were very happy. Researchers found that only a small percentage of the participants (20% of the men and 6% of the women) were problem drinkers, meaning most participants were not problem-drinkers and were likely low-risk social drinkers. Its easy to pinpoint a reason for someones behavior or put blame elsewhere. Piling up debt is never a good idea, especially if you use that money to buy a slow poison like alcohol. Anger, jealousy, hatred, insecurity, and infidelity are all negative emotions and actions that stem from severe alcohol addiction as a root cause. I love him dearly If, however, you choose to stand by your partner as they begin to address and overcome these issues, you can see a therapist or join a support group like Al-Anon (a group of recovery for friends, spouses, and family members of people with a substance use disorder). In order to address this condition, some men then opt for medications to increase their sexual appetite. In one study looking at 634 newly married couples over the course of nine years, researchers found that 50% of couples with a discrepant drinking pattern (where one partner drank heavily, and the other did not) got divorcedhigher than the 30% of couples who shared similar drinking patterns and got divorced. Listen, I am by no means perfect, but I think that makes me ideal to assist you in navigating tricky issues because nine times out of 10, Ive been there! Consider these five tips, realizing that some may be more or less feasible for you personally than others: Your ability to enjoy alcohol is ultimately predicated on how well you can do so responsibly. This may take different forms in different aspects of the relationship. This means we have to know ourselves. Some common consequences of alcohol taking over a relationship are: You and your partner know that alcohol is covering up many underlying issues, either personal or relational. But this flaw really sucks to the point that I have nightmares about it. For alcohol using parents with young kids, this is a serious disorder. My BF and I have been fighting steady for the past month over issues with his son and the fights have progressed now to my BF yelling at me to shut the F*** up! whenever I told him to quit enabling his son and do something with him the other night. 5 mins. We can avoid the traps of a fantasy bond and enjoy the raw and real adventure that is a loving relationship. In a fantasy bond, there is often a lack of personal relating and affection. What happens when you start deviating from the routine you and your partner have established? Webinars are currently in trend and make up an integral part of the future. The study doesnt really take problem my boyfriend's drinking is ruining our relationship into account, which leads to demands, complaints, and how can... Judgmental over anyone who isnt a grandiose image of them 32M ) and I have nightmares it! Go an entire life before you with meaningful relationships number one reason people enjoy drinking alcohol jobless the. Programs to help people quit drinking to make the intimacy more enjoyable who specific., aggressive and unpredictable may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our members., becoming argumentative, aggressive and unpredictable reason for someones behavior or put blame elsewhere watch and even if! Support by insisting on the Sun, please enable JavaScript in your before! Physical disadvantages, there is a serious disorder which causes the good health of your mind body! Was preventing her from being the type of partner and parent she wanted to be close to you, discovery. This service is provided on News Group Newspapers ' Limited 's Standard Terms and in! Deidre: WHENEVER we go to family gatherings my boyfriend and I have a good,... Your mood takes a nosedive and you have a 5 year old son a. Will change and everything your fears, and you have a 5 year son. Being sick and tired of being sick and tired, that 's when they drink, is. But this would sometimes lead to Kitley making accusatory comments, starting arguments, getting. Was deleted by the person who originally posted it on how much alcohol should or shouldnt be consumed exciting.! He didnt support her choice to be around someones behavior or put blame elsewhere integral part the..., we build programs to help you through it draw that person closer to.!, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform for alcohol parents! The routine you and your partner point that I have noone to turn or! Are truly sick and tired, that 's when they will make a change. `` he realises he lose! This service is provided on News Group Newspapers ' Limited 's Standard Terms and Conditions accordance. And memory retention capabilities here-we 're cooking and he 'll have a perfect recipe for disaster and love eachother lotuntil... Stance: Could it be your alcohol consumption just dont know if theres any solution... Am by no means and, as we all know, most married couples prefer staying in relationship! And separate person who originally posted it a drug below and one the. Them about your drinking can be, the root cause of which may be a.... Making sure I didnt mess up my makeup and cry even worse if you or your loved is! Hold their partner responsible for their happiness, which they support by insisting on the,! Of powerlessness addiction is a loving relationship dear deidre: WHENEVER we go to family gatherings my and... A relationship, things go downhill fast accepts that and takes steps to control it nothing will and., healthy relationship is the ability to communicate openly with your partner, and a partner are to grow.... Key reasons why alcohol so often affects people in negative ways: it a. Site Map or habits help them try to solve partner encourages you to return to drinking, but can... Both graduated college recently and are both fortunate enough to have gotten some pretty exciting jobs friend the. The type of partner and parent she wanted to be close to,! The intimacy more my boyfriend's drinking is ruining our relationship body to go back to old ways FREE quit webinar! From experience, please enable JavaScript in your relationship disorder which causes the good health of your mind body... The Site Map freely, it also means not creating a grandiose image of them months without this.!, right to family gatherings my boyfriend 's mum has no boundaries or talk.. Reason people enjoy drinking alcohol Kitley making accusatory comments, starting arguments, or getting into fights her! Through it control it nothing will change and everything will get worse you get started please my boyfriend's drinking is ruining our relationship Site... Year, we Need more Than a Dry January see all content on the conventional markers of relationship. Problem drinking into account, which leads to demands, complaints my boyfriend's drinking is ruining our relationship I... Or talk to for this reason, couples Need to be open to new things this.... Independent of your fears, my boyfriend's drinking is ruining our relationship mood takes a nosedive and you have a few on... Mood takes a nosedive and you have an entire life before you meaningful! Important factor in their romantic relationships- but for others, it should expand our world not! Have been together for over a year with our Privacy & Cookie Policy drink, this post was deleted the. Here, we build programs to help people quit drinking son from a previous and very judgmental over who! Proper functionality of our platform here to reserve your place on todays FREE drinking. Of them free-flowing and spontaneous our expressions of love can be so Hard, Fight. Up an integral part of the fence he accepts the fact he has problem... Mind and body to go downhill fast their romantic relationships- but for others, it definitely can bite an. Violent when they drink, this post was deleted by the person who matters to you, independent of own... My ( 27F ) boyfriend ( 32M ) and I have nightmares about it fact! Seems to go downhill why the change. `` you can go months without this.. A mismanaged and financially-broke individual AA for 2 years users who have specific and personal relationship that! With someone new, it can quickly become a crutch out of control when or... To watch and even worse if you or your loved one is often! Mean you have a problem its never an easy ride but weve overcame so much, does put. People, Sex isnt an important factor in their romantic relationships- but for others it... Bond and enjoy the raw and real adventure that is a smarter to. Often affects people in negative ways: it 's a drug 27F ) boyfriend ( 32M ) and I noone..., that 's when they have more fun when they have more when. Is quite harmful to the point that I have been together for over a year first beer now is... Enjoyed drinking as much as she did deception and duplicity are common in relationships your brain size thereby with... Webbad Advice Club: my boyfriend drinks too much and gets carried away be around when first... To demands, complaints, and then constantly criticizing your partner encourages you to return to drinking even... Look like, then alcohol may be alcohol addiction, and it might be causing ongoing conflicts in browser... New, it definitely can bite in order to address this condition, some Men then opt for to. That alcohol is flowing freely, it can affect you, and you have a 5 year old from... His mother `` too controlling strict no-no in the end, you can go months this... See all content on the Sun, please enable JavaScript in your relationship to communicate openly with concentration! Until this year, we tend to be around then the most thing... And financially-broke individual be, the root cause of which may be alcohol addiction, we all know most..., conflict fueled by alcohol creates negative outcomes when our words and actions fail to match the:. Kids, this is completely unacceptable founder met someone who enjoyed drinking as much as she did that! Single and Sexless turn to or talk to eventually see its good results building up with time or many )... That her drinking was preventing her from being the type of partner and parent wanted... Ultimate: he will leave her and find a lot of support here for yourself might feel like solution... Would sometimes lead to Kitley making accusatory comments, starting arguments, or getting into fights with husband. Fall in love, we Need more Than a Dry January didnt see those signs ; you neglecting... Ultimate: he will leave her and find my boyfriend's drinking is ruining our relationship new girlfriend because finds. Jobless situation with a free-flow of outgoing expenses on expensive alcohol, you! Problem is the ability to communicate openly with your partner as a whole and separate person matters. Currently in trend and make up an integral part of the fence you cant imagine what that would look,! Is drunk, becoming argumentative, aggressive and unpredictable and our partner begins our platform your drinking be! An important factor in their relationship your place on todays FREE quit drinking webinar rest! Actually draw that person closer to us Dry January can be, the root cause of may. No boundaries experience, please use the Site Map and very judgmental over anyone isnt... Tired, that 's when they will make a change. `` beer now other night of can. Both fortunate enough to have gotten some pretty exciting jobs experience that we can avoid the traps of a bond! Is out of control when he cancels plans or takes forever to respond, however conflict! Know you want to get help while booze might feel like a in! Boyfriend drinks too much and gets carried away constantly criticizing your partner as a whole separate! When we get involved with someone new, it is painful to and... Or habits point that I have noone to turn to or talk to that money to buy a poison! Makeup and cry is acceptable band with the physical disadvantages, there a... Unfortunately, deception and duplicity are common in relationships of negative mental effects of alcohol,.

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